Why is it that we tend to gravitate towards drama and get seduced by negativity? And things like gossip and criticizing oneself and the flaws in others come so naturally? Let me ask you a question, are you attracting it, OR are you attracted to it? It is not very becoming or evolving is it? The very nature of it, stops us from becoming our BEST selves and living our BEST lives.
I don’t have all of the answers, but I have a few tactics and strategies on how to overcome this dreaded thing called “taking it personally,” and our limited emotions like insecurity and NOT getting seduced by other people’s negative stories. Is it HARD to overcome? The answer is YES. I do believe that most things that are worthwhile can be difficult, not always, but a lot of the time, mainly because the things you do regularly have become a habit. When things become a habit, it can sometimes take a little while, or even a longer while to stop completely, or to almost eliminate it that it doesn’t dictate your life’s decisions and impede you from getting your goals and reaching your dreams.
1.Observe Your Own Thoughts- Metacognition
It has been long known that becoming self-aware IS the key to change. If you aren’t aware of the things you say or do, or the actions you take because your internal chatter is taking your for a ride (ie, the runaway freight train), then how do you expect to change? You can’t!
Neuroscience calls this phenomena “Metacognition” the ability to observe one’s own thoughts. It is said that we have between sixty to seventy thousand thoughts in one day. How crazy is that? And that ninety percent of those thoughts are recycled from the day before. Oh my goodness, so literally, by that very definition, our habits define US.
Those things we do day in and day out are conditioned habits and that is WHY it is so difficult to change. It is NOT impossible, nothing is impossible, but our neural pathways have been conditioned to do certain things by you that make it damn right difficult at times to push through the tough times and bring our goals and resolutions to fruition.
The only limits we set are the limits of our own belief system. There a millions of potentials in reality, pick becoming supernatural and unlimited over limited and stuck.
2. What People Do and Say is Because of Their Own Beliefs & Perceptions
Why is it that every person reacts differently to the same stimulus? That’s they beauty and magic of life right? We are not all the same. We are all different and uniquely who we are and ourselves. We are made up of our own thoughts, emotions, perceptions, and beliefs.
If you are studying for an exam that is important to you and your hear dogs barking loudly outside of your house, you might say, “those dogs are annoying me, I cannot study!” However, your neighbor might say something like, “oh, those dogs are so sweet, they are playing with each other and it makes me happy to see.” So then what are the dogs and they’re barking really doing? Are they annoying, or are they sweet? Well, they are neither. They are a perception of your own reality and you have decided the story based on your own belief system. In ultimate reality, the dogs barking is just that, dogs barking. It doesn’t have any meaning until YOU assign it meaning.
People react to different things in different ways. 100 of us could see the exact same thing and we would have 100 different counts of what actually happened. So what are YOU choosing to SEE?
I know how cliché this is but it is TRUE. You don’t make anyone do or say anything. They choose how they react or respond to certain stimuli based on THEIR own belief about it. That is why when someone says something to you and you don’t like it, you feel offended and took it personally, you may lash out or say to them how rude they are for saying that to you.
Alternatively, I may say or do nothing because I inherently know that what “they” said has nothing to do with me at all and I immediately disregard it and move on. How much more peaceful is that? If you can choose your peace every single time, your life will reflect that peace and you will become more peaceful because of it.
When people judge or criticize you, don’t react. If you react, you are believing them and giving them your power. This is how the internal drama and madness begins and you start to believe that everything everyone does is because of you, this is total victim mentality, do you want to be a victim of your own nonsense? Or do you want to be a responsible person who doesn’t take things personally?
When you become impervious to the judgments and opinions of others, the more peaceful your life becomes. What others think of YOU really is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
3.Let The Voices In Your Own Mind Speak Louder
Taylor Swift is a prime example of this. Kanye has on many occasions tried to undercut her and take credit for her success and reign on her parade as seen at the MTV VMAs in 2012 when he bombarded the stage voicing his own opinion. Not only has Taylor Swift showed remarkable resolve and character throughout all of this, her music just keeps on getting better and better. She is undoubtedly a mega-star amongst her peers. She is a perfect example of someone who does not get caught up in the media manipulations, the gross embellishments and drama of fame and fanaticism and continues to create award-winning songs, such as, Style, Blank Space & who could forget her “Bad Blood” single.
Her latest win at the 2016 Grammy awards for Best Album for 1989 she addressed the audience with this “there are going to be people along the way who will try to undercut your success or take credit for your accomplishments or your fame.” But if you just focus on the work, and you don’t let those people sidetrack you, some day when you get where you’re going, you will look around and know it is you and the people who love you who put you there,” she stated after winning her award.
She is a prime example of someone whose voices in their head speak so much louder than anyone else’s judgments, opinions or undercuts, you will know peace and live to the beat of your own drum and be impervious to the outside forces that keep you stuck, limited and diminished.
Way to go, Taylor Swift, you are an amazing example of courage, determination, eloquence and guts. We can all learn a little from this great star whose talent is globally renowned. With her dazzling vocals and lyrics that are written from the depths of her soul, she is a PR and marketing soulstress. We can learn a lot from this amazing girl next door.
When you know the truth of what you are doing and how you are living, you will know peace and never doubt the decisions you have made or will make.
When your voices speak louder than the other voices barraging you with external stimuli, you will stay in your power and never question yourself despite the judgments and/or opinions of others. Become impervious to them, grow thick skin, make your mark in the world and never let anyone else’s voice in your head tell you that you “can’t” or that you “aren’t good enough, smart enough, aren’t worthy enough.” That is all nonsense, get our of your own way and listen to your own voices that “you can do it, you are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, worth enough” and go DO IT.
4. Always Focus on What YOU Can Control
I know for us control freaks out there, we like to think that we can control everything and like is a compilation of what we “should” be doing or what someone else things about how we “should” be living. Or we think someone “should” react in the way we think they ought to.
But guess what? The only thing we can actually control is our reaction and response to any situations. YES! That is it. You control your attitude or you are going to let it control you. When you get angry over some type of perceived injustice and you lash out? Is that the BEST response to a situation? What if you took a step back and thought about it for a minute, although it may be an injustice, why would you let yourself be angry and upset when these emotions cause so much stress and upheaval in our minds and in our lives? What if you stopped and realized “is my reaction right now going to be helpful or hurtful?
You can only control YOUR reaction and thus your attitude. Focus on what you CAN control and let go of the thought that you have to control everything, your life will become so much more peaceful and serene, do like the musical says “let it go.”
Everything else you cannot control doesn’t matter, let it go, wholeheartedly, make peace with it or it will continue to haunt you and plague your mind because of your attachment to it. What is stopping you from moving forward and letting it go? Deepak Chopra says “Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.” I know I wanna be a pioneer of the future, do you?
This is your life and you have the privilege of deciding the fate of YOUR life. That is the beauty and magic of it.
Make sound decisions, when someone or something is barraging your with negativity or diminishing you, take a step back and decide if you are going to be tempted to do what you have always done, or start pioneering a future, a future where you get to decide the outcome. YOU are in charge of YOUR life. You only get one shot at it, what you are going to choose?
To your Inner Peace,