Dear Susie G,
After my husband has spent years imploring me to consider commingling our money and setting a budget, I have finally acquiesced. But where to begin. Here are my main mental blocks about this:
- How do I get over the feeling of being totally restricted by our budget?
- I’ve spent my entire adult life buying whatever I want, whenever I want. I don’t want to live on bread and water and never go anywhere or do anything! 3. Now my husband will know how much everything actually costs! I’m sure this is all in my head and you’ve written before about how freeing a budget was for you, so I can’t think of anyone better to talk me off the ledge. Help!
Cost concerned in AZ
Dear Cost Concerned in AZ,
The number 1 cause of divorce is still the inability to handle financial circumstances confidently and maturely. Doing what you have always done has led you to this place called transition and financial duress. You must shift your mindset. For over 18 years I equated a budget with restriction. But until I actually did my budget, I couldn’t see it for what it really was: A budget equals financial FREEDOM.Remove your limited mindset, get on a budget. Your financial future depends on it.
The truth is “if you don’t tell your money where to go, you will ALWAYS wonder where it went,” says Dave Ramsey and you WILL stay broke thinking that you need all these things you call “wants”. What you NEED is a budget and some financial goals to get to where you want to go. If you don’t have an objective, how are you going to measure your progress? “You will always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Wayne Gretzky.
Life is not about perfection but if you continuously avoid and prevent yourself from achieving your goals, what will your life look like 5 years from now, what will it look like 10 or 20 years from now?
Insanity is the dysfunctional cycle of NOT achieving the goals you set out for yourself, it is the new years resolutions that you tell yourself you are going to do and never do them, is that what you want your life to look like? Broke, destitute and insecure about your financial future OR do you want to be happy, abundance and confident that you can tackle anything especially your finances?
No one wants to be broke but a lot of people don’t want to do what it takes to change their broke mindset because it is hard and sometimes downright rotten to change. But guess what? When you accept that change can be difficult, get some moxie and motivation, you will be absolutely astounded at what you can achieve!
You have to live on bread and water or rice and beans because of your budget
If you budget your groceries correctly, you will have plenty of variety
Budgets are for broke people
Budgets are for financially responsible, emotionally mature people
Married people need to keep financial secrets from each other and not commingle funds
Marriage is a bond of love and trust, if you can’t talk about money and be 100% transparent, then what’s the point?
You can buy whatever you want, whenever you want
You mistake your wants for needs, people who are financially responsible realize the difference between wants and needs and know they have to make the hard decisions in life which include compromise, in order to get what you want and get to where you wanna go.
You absolutely must get on a budget NOW, and I assure you, your concerns not only will dissipate, your relationship with your husband will improve, you will gain confidence, your communication will get better and you WILL cooperate on a deeper level.
Dave Ramsey said, “Spiritual maturity is the ability to delay pleasure.” In reality, you don’t really NEED whatever you want, whenever you want, that mindset is limited, immature and will get you into trouble not only financially but also generally in life when you are faced with difficult decisions. Children do what feels good, adults and mature people delay pleasure and DO NOT sacrifice their future financial security for instant gratification.
Start making sound financial decisions now, your life and your future depend on it. And by the sounds of it, your marriage depends on it too. Stop excusing yourself from an AMAZING life, get on a budget, stick to it and move beyond any of your pre-determined limited beliefs.
Your brain and your logical mind are telling you that you need to make some significant changes and time is of the essence. The ledge only exists in the place called the mind and the mind can be deceitful and an egocentric drama queen. You can’t always trust your mind, there are times you have to force change because the benefits of change far outweigh the costs of staying the same.
You have to pay a price to WIN with money but in the end, don’t you think it is worth it? Do you want to be broke, miserable and struggle for the rest of your life OR do you want to be happy, confident and successful financially? Your actions and decisions now have consequences. The real beauty of it is that YOU get to decide, which will you choose?
Great answer to what I assume is a common question a lot of people are afraid to ask! You hit the nail on the head with this one, Susie G!!
Susie Gasparovic says
Some people are afraid to ask and they are afraid to change but when they get the courage to ask and start making small changes, they make great strides and always say the same thing “That was so worth it.”